Romance, Part Two

London, Baby!

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters mentioned, apart from Emily’s unborn baby. Oh, and Mr and Mrs Waltham are played by the people who played them in the actual episodes – Jennifer Saunders and someone else.

*Monica’s thoughts are in italics*

As soon as Chandler arrived in the room, Monica twined her arms around his neck and kissed him. Kissing led to other things, which led to them lying in Monica’s bed, exhausted but happy.

A knock on the door interrupted the total bliss of the two occupants of the room.

“Hey, Chandler, Monica!” It was Joey’s voice. “You know how you said there was porn? Well there isn’t! And, get this. There are only five channels! I mean, five! And they don’t even have Cartoon Network! How awful… hey, can you let me in?”

Monica pushed Chandler away from her. “Oh God, oh God, oh God!” she panicked, scrabbling around to find her clothes.

“Well, I try, but I’ve never been called God before,” Chandler quipped.

“Just, just get dressed,” Monica replied frostily, as she handed him his pants. “We can’t let Joey know what we just did.”

“Seven times. Why can’t we tell him?” Chandler asked, obeying her nevertheless. You should never ignore one of Monica’s orders, he thought to himself.

“Because it was a mistake,” Monica told him. “I shouldn’t have done that, we should have stopped, we’re friends and friends don’t have sex, do they?” She was babbling now.

“Seven mistakes. Some do.” Chandler was desperately hoping, hoping like hell, that she didn’t mean what she said.

“Yeah, but not us, so forget about it, please?” Monica wheedled.

“How can I forget seven wonderful times?” Chandler asked, innocently. Monica gave him a death glare, and he subsided.

“Hey, can I come in?” Joey yelled. “I’ve been waiting for ages out here!”

“Yeah, just a second, Joe,” Monica replied, and opened the door.

“Finally,” Joey complained. “Y’know, if I didn’t know better, I’d say you were just doin’ it!” he added, laughing. Chandler laughed uneasily, and Monica blushed.

“Yeah, like that would ever happen,” she said, lightly. “I mean, why would I ever sleep with Chandler?”

“She’d never sleep with me – not even once, certainly not seven times!” Chandler butted in.

Joey ignored him. “Yeah, you could do so much better, Monica – like with me, for example,” he said, smirking. “How you doin’?”

* * *

At the rehearsal dinner, Ross and Emily were trying to keep their parents away from each other. Mr Waltham wanted to get the Gellars to pay for the remodelling of his lawn and the fitting of a new downstairs bathroom, which Jack refused to do. Mrs Waltham couldn’t care less. She was on her mobile, chatting away. She owned an interior decorating business called Waltham Interiors.

After several hours, the debate was sorted out. The Gellars would pay for the new bathroom, but not the lawn. After the guests had finished eating, Ross stood up. Cries of “Speech, speech” were heard.

“I know that traditionally, the best man – or men, in my case – makes the speech, but I would like to make an announcement before that happens,” he said.

“You go, son!” Jack Gellar slurred. He was seriously drunk now.

“Uh, thanks dad. Okay, so what I wanted to say was, uh, Emily and I are going to, uh, have a child,” Ross announced, beaming. There were gasps and cheers from the other guests.

“Yes, I’m having a baby!” Emily cried. The guests cheered again, apart from Judy Gellar, who leaned over to Monica and whispered venomously.

“So Ross is going to have two children. And, now, how many children will you have had?”

“None,” Monica sighed, resigning herself to a night of her mother picking on her.

“Y’know, London is a very romantic city, maybe you could find a husband here…” Judy’s voice droned on. Monica tried to block it out. “And of course, there are not so many women over here…”

Ugh! Why do I put up with this?

“But then, the few English women I have seen are very pretty…” All she ever does is nag, nag, and nag.

“You really should do something about your hair, dear – but don’t put it up, your ears are not your best feature, Monica dear…” You’re no beauty, yourself, Mom.

“And that dress – it’s too tight, really dear. Goodness me, you look almost like a hooker, Monica…” Oh, most mothers are lovely, care so much about their kids, but no, I get the one who tells me I look like a hooker.

“When are you going to have children? Oh, I forgot. You need a boyfriend first. Have you even had a boyfriend since Richard? Tell me, why did you break up with him, Monica?”

God, shut up, you bitch!

“What did you say?”

Shit, I didn’t mean to say that out loud. “I-I, nothing, I, I…” Monica didn’t know what to say.

“Hey, Mon,” Chandler greeted her, walking over, sounding totally at ease. “Guess what?”

“What?” Monica asked, grateful for the distraction.

“That guy—” Chandler pointed out a very drunk-looking guy, “Just told me that I gave a very moving performance in Titanic!” He and Monica both laughed.

“Really?” Judy creaked. “I thought the Italian one was the actor, Monica? Not the gay one?”

“Mom, he’s not gay,” Monica told her, blushing.

“You can’t be sure, not unless you’ve slept with him,” Judy stated.

Monica froze. Before her mother could say anything, Chandler butted in. “I can assure you, Mrs Gellar, I could not be anymore straight.”

“Yes, well, you look gay. Now, Monica, did you call me a bitch?” Judy said, changing the subject.

“N-no, I, uh, said, that, uh,” Monica stalled.

“Oh, I heard that!” Chandler said, smiling. “She said that she wished she were rich. Didn’t ya, Mon?”

Monica smiled gratefully at him. “Yeah, I, uh, meant, y’know, cos if I were rich, guys would like me, and I could get married and have a baby, and all the stuff you want me to do,” she babbled.

“Well, I’m glad you want to please me, Monica dear. But you know, dear, I don’t think you could ever quite do what I wanted you to do. Ever since you were small, I’d wanted you to be married when you were twenty, and have had two children by now. You’re twenty-eight, Monica,” Judy snipped. “I don’t hold with the sort of sleeping around that you have been doing. You must have slept with dozens of men – and you’re twenty-eight and unmarried. In my day, we didn’t have sex until marriage. In my day, you would have been acting like a – and I hate to say this – a hooker.”

“You bitch!” Monica shouted. The whole room went silent. “Shit, I am not a hooker. God, you can’t like me at all, can you Mom? You think I sleep with every guy I see?” She paused, and linked arms with Chandler. “Okay, let’s try that. Chandler, wanna go—?” He didn’t let her finish.

“Hell yeah!” he replied, and they ran out of the room, leaving an open-mouthed Ross, Emily, Joey and Judy behind them. Jack was too drunk to notice anything. As they ran out of the room, Monica turned to Chandler.

“Thanks.” She kissed him for good measure. “And this time, I promise I won’t stop you, I think we could be great together, I was just nervous before, wanna give it a try?” She held her breath as she waited for his answer.

“Monica?”

“Yeah?”

“Shut up and don’t bother talking.” He kissed her again, harder this time. “Does that give you your answer?”

* * *

So, I hope you liked it. I will (hopefully) post the next part quicker than I posted this one! And it is going to be CM mush, I’m sorry to whoever doesn’t like that. But there will be some Ross and Emily, and maybe (if you’re good) some JR or JP action; I’m not sure which yet.